So Loved

“Faith don’t come in a bushel basket, Missy. It come one step at a time. Decide to trust Him for one little thing today, and before you know it, you find out He’s so trustworthy you be putting your whole life in His hands.” –Lynn Hustin, Candle in the Darkness

“What? I’ve lost 15 pounds since last year? That can’t be right.” I said to the doctor at my yearly physical. She looks at the computer screen again, and back up at me. “Yep, totally right. Have you done anything to lose this weight?” she asks. I actually laugh out loud. I really love to eat good food. I don’t just like eating any ole thing, but really delicious flavorful food. And, I lack will power. And exercise? Well, you will see me walking the dog every once in a while, but if you ever see me running, be afraid….be very afraid. There is only one reason why I would run….something terrible is chasing me.

All that to say, there was no reason that I lost that weight. My doctor suggests that I go and see a specialist to figure out the weight loss. Sure, I’ll go see someone. The very next day the specialist calls me and tells me I have an appointment the very next week. Wow! That was fast. Hummm….is that a bad sign?

I go in and see the doctor. They run all kinds of INTRUSIVE tests….my goodness. I never knew some medical devices could go in the worst places! Test results come back and…..they found out that I might have some kind of chronic stomach issue. What? Really? Now, I’ve done medical tests before, but nothing has ever come back positive for something. There is such a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when the doctor calls you at 7:00 at night to tell you the news. What does this mean for me? What does it mean for my kids? Is it genetic?

The doctor tells me that I have to go get a CT scan in a couple of days to see how serious it could possibly be. Again, this is so fast. Before when I’ve had to make doctor’s appointments, it seems that I have to wait months. But, now the doctors are making the appointments for me and they are all within days of one another. It’s a whole lot of testing. I’m starting to feel like a human pincushion.

After the CT scan, I get a call later that afternoon. Well, the stomach issue we thought you have you don’t! Awesome! Praise God! Thanks so much for calling!! See ya later! Yeah….nope didn’t go that way. The good part was the stomach issue wasn’t there at all! So that was awesome, but they said they saw a shadow in my liver. (Ok…just a little side note. I know I have internal organs, but I don’t really want to think about them actually being there. It grosses me out.). But, what the heck? Were we even looking at my liver?? Maybe I was bent funny during the CT scan. Maybe there was a piece of leftover Chic-Fil-A nugget lodged close to it somewhere. This could all be possible, right?

So again, another appointment a couple of days later. This time a MRI. I’ve never done one of those before. The experience didn’t really go very well for me. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am claustrophobic. Yep. That’s me. I felt like a caged animal lying on that machine where my arms had to be stretched out over my head. Every hair on my body started to itch at the same time because it knew I couldn’t scratch it. I wanted to press that emergency button like a thousand times, but my hands were so sweaty it fell out! Geez!

We go into the doctor’s office to get the results. By now, I’m so used to hearing that they found something totally weird, I am just expecting it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard in the past few months how “rare” it is to have this or that. And, this doctor’s visit was just more of the same. What they found was a blood clot in my liver. A BLOOD CLOT!! I was told that the chances of a healthy 38-year-old woman without any chronic issues forming a blood clot in their liver is less than 1%. That is LESS THAN ONE PERCENT! I should start playing the lottery with odds like that.

Then started the treatment. I won’t go into details about that, but it involves needles….lots of needles…and me with needles and me using needles and needles using me for MONTHS not days, not weeks, but MONTHS…and… it …was…not…fun….

I’m not one to really tell the world about all my medical weirdness, but that was just only part of the story. You see, blood clots are bad…really bad. Not only are they bad once, but also it affects my life from here on out. I could chose to get all down about this, and how it’s going to be in the back of my mind. But, I don’t see it this way. I know that blood clots are bad, but my Jesus is so good. He was preparing me months in advance to see this. If I had not lost the weight (which I have now gained all back and there never was a reason discovered why I had the weight loss) I never would have seen a specialist. If I never would have seen a specialist, I never would have had a false positive for a chronic stomach issue. If I never would have had a false positive, I never would have had a CT scan that showed the shadow. See where I’m going with this? The Lord wanted me to see this. He has been directing my path the entire time. Even when I had to do all the hard needle stuff, and the worrying about all the different diagnoses He was with me.

When I sit and think about all that has transpired, it reaffirms just how much Jesus loves us. He protects us and sets our feet on he right path. He sees what we need before we know it, and guides us to the right people at the right time. We are so special and valued. He has His arms around us always…even when we don’t feel it or know it. I am more than grateful…I am loved.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6




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